It was hard to write these truths – I felt guilty, embarrassed. Of course I could write appreciative, positive truths about these relationships, and that would be easy.

Sometimes I wish
I’d never loved a man
not fallen in and out
blinded breathless overcome.
Or loved but one.

Sometimes I wish
I’d never given birth
not had a child
delighting blighting life.
Or had just one.

Sometimes I wish
I’d never had the others
not three of them
unkindness fear and jealousy –
not been the youngest one.

Sometimes I wish
I’d never known my dad
not even who he was
selfish careless faithless.
Nor hoped that I was wrong.

Sometimes I wish
I’d never had my mum
not been so close
favoured flattered never wrong.
Oh for a less devoted one.

Sometimes I wish –
but what’s the use?

Without them all
who would I be?
Who knows?
Not me.